Moving On, Letting Go

Well I gave up on that guy I've been talking about in these posts . I figured some things out & realized it just wasn't going to work between us . When I go to college later on this year i'm thinking about changing my major or double majoring in nursing and interior design . Today I realized how good at it I am & other people notice it too . It's self evident by my room lol . But anyways I think something might be off with my thyroid. I've started having hot flashes & sometimes I get into such deep sleeps I feel like I'm not going to wake up . I still have four more months until I visit my thyroid doctor so I won't know for sure until then . I hope everything is okay . Since going hypo, I've went from 162 pounds to 237 pounds . That's almost a hundred extra pounds I've put on . I used to love my body but now I absolutely hate it ... Anyways its after 4am & I should be sleep . Night everyone .
Quote of the Day: I wanted you back . I'm so through with that cause honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had" . Beyonce - Best Thing I Never Had
Monday, June 17, 2013 4:13 a.m. CDT

Graduation & Heartbreak

Well four days ago I officially graduated from high school & it really doesn't feel like it . It was the best & the most bittersweet thing I've ever done . I feel like I need more time in high school, especially because of one person that was there . Him . I don't know what to do . I really like him & people always tell me that they think he likes me too but he's never actually said it out of HIS mouth . My friend Tiffanie told me I should just ask does he want to hang out this summer but too scared to ask him :/ . I hate always being afraid of rejection & what someone's going to say or do to me . I don't like feeling helpless but I need to tell him some kind of way ... But enough about that . I haven't been on here in sooooo long & i'm really sorry to my viewers . Let me update you on a few things . First, I made my own website: http://erialwilson.wix.com/lifeasiknowit , I have Instagram: __hellolove__ & Twitter: ayoo_bubbles_ . Second, I finished high school & will be going to college in the fall, even though I kinda want to take a semester off . Third, i'm tired . I'm tired of being tired, tired of not being able to find my someone while all my friends have someone, tired of struggling, & most of all, tired of this thyroid condition . It really takes a toll on me . I'm always tired, sick, sleepy, & just feel like I can't do anything . I just don't understand why this happened to me, but at the same time I do . I never knew how strong I actually was until I was diagnosed with this but I still feel so helpless & vulnerable at times . I just wish it was something I could do to make this whole thing go away ... I don't know what to do or say right now . I just want everthing to be okay & back to normal like the way it used to be . Quote of the Day (well song lyrics actually):

For the way you changed my plans
For being the perfect distraction
For the way you took the idea that I have
Of everything that I wanted to have
And made me see there was something missing, oh yeah

For the ending of my first begin
 And for the rare and unexpected friend
 For the way you're something that I'd never choose
But at the same time, something I don't wanna lose
And never wanna be without ever again

You're the best thing I never knew I needed
So when you were here I had no idea
You the best thing I never knew I needed
So now it's so clear, I need you here always

My accidental happily
(Ever after)
The way you smile and how you comfort me
(With your laughter)
I must admit you were not a part of my book
But now if you open it up and take a look
You're the beginning and the end of every chapter

-Ne-Yo - Never Knew I Needed

 

Tuesday, May 28, 2013 9:38 a.m. CDT

Too Legit To Quit

I've been having a pretty good time lately :) Even though I stopped liking Rafael a few weeks ago :/ I asked him to prom & he didn't have the decency to say anything to me so I just left him alone . It kinda hurts me when I see him & I want to talk to him but I won't let myself get hurt again, not after last time . . . I haven't given up on love but I've come close . It's pretty weird considering that i'm only 17 years old . I guess my maturity came a little earlier than everyone else's . Right now i'm just going to focus on keeping my All A's my senior year instead of worrying about love & boys . Plus, I need to get more focused on God . I was thinking about where i'm going after I die & just about dying in general, in a non-suicidal way . I'm really scared to die honestly . I don't know where i'm going or what's going to happen after I leave this place, but I do want to go to Heaven . . . I went to Tunica last weekend with Q & her mom & had an AMAZING time . We stayed at the Gold Strike Hotel (pictures at the bottom) on the 20th floor & that elevator really scared me but the place was beautiful . Everything was gold & they had the PRETTIES chandeliers ! I had a great time with my bestest friend in the whole wide world Tiffanie last night . We went to the mall & I tried on these REALLY pretty dresses at Body Central (pictures at the top) & I bought two pairs of tights from Rue21: one had zebra print & the other one had zig-zags on them, then we went to her house & watched Arthur with Austin & Lizbeth, then we went on a candy run to Wal-Mart lol . I put on the zebra tights when I got home to make sure they fit & I didn't pull them up all the way & I was standing on them & I was trying to pull them up the rest of my leg & I ripped them tragically, BUT I can still wear them luckily, the design is seperate from the top so I can still wear them as long as the dress it's really short haha :) I didn't make it to church today because my acid reflux was acting up really bad & it was making my throat & my stomach burn like they were on fire :/ I only have like 100 more days until I graduate from high school . I'm pretty excited but at the same time i'm seriously going to miss that place ! I'm actually not ready to leave . Never thought I'd say that . . . & I probably never will again lol . It's like waaaaaaaay past the bedtime I've set for myself . It's almost 11:30 & I usually try to get in bed before 10:00 . I have a Beowulf test tomorrow in 2nd block & I totally forgot about it & didn't bring home any of my notes, the questions, or my book to read it . I don't know where my mind was Friday . It was probably because we got out of school at 12:00 & I was just ready to leave . Well I guess I'm going to head off to bed . I'll try to write on here REALLY soon, school & this internship at Helen Keller is taking up all my time & keeping me pretty busy . Sorry ! Gotta go you guys . Love you all ! Quote of the Day: The most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you ; but when you don't understand yourself ...
Sunday, February 17, 2013 11:24 p.m. CDT

 

New Year, New Me ?

I've been thinking about a lot since the New Year begun . First of all, I want to say that i'm sorry I haven't been on in awhile, I've been EXTREMELY busy lately . Since the year began, I went to my thyroid doctor & I have good news ! My thyroid levels are normal finally ! I started school on the 4th and it is a MESS . I have P.E. 1st block and it's so hard ! We've been doing these physical fitness tests to train for this test we have to do at the end of the semester. We run, do lunges, frog jumps, and a whole bunch of other stuff . I was SO sore from running and doing lunges, I couldn't walk right for a week ! My legs hurt so bad ! I had muscle cream all on them haha :) . 2nd block, I have English 12 and we have to prepare a presentaion and I have to present it tomorrow with my partner Breanna . We're doing it on Anglo-Saxons and Jutes, we have to have atleast 20 notecards and 3 sources . It was kind of a challenge at first but we're almost done, plus she's giving us 25 extra minutes to work on it before we present tomorrow . We have vocabulary tests every Friday but we haven't did much grammar this semester yet . 3rd block, I have enviromental science with Rafael ^_^, too bad he has a girlfriend now -_- . I guess I waited to long to tell him how I feel . All my fault, but anyways..... It's pretty easy but we have a test every week . We go over a section, take a quiz, then when we're done going over the section, he gives us a concept review and a active reading packet to help us with the test, then the test is the next day . No word bank though !!! :'( 4th block, I have clinicals . I go to a hospital decked out in my scrubs (GUCCI !!! lol) . I stay from 1:46 p.m. to 3:30 p.m. I'll be working in the radiology department and the emergency room . I still have All A's in my classes and i'm trying to keep All A's throughout my senior year . I don't know what college I want to go to yet but i'm considering this community college and it's right down the street from my house :) . I've done something every weekend this year so far and i'm trying to keep it that way . Last year all I did was stay in the house all the time and that was BORINNNNNNNGGGGGGG ! I want to party, dance, and go out like everyone else so I started doing that :) . I feel better since I've actually been going out . I went dress shopping and I found the PERFECT dress for prom (picture to the right) !  It fit just right but it's $433.82 with tax ... Yikes, I know . I'm trying to get a job so I can pay for it . I've applied at Burger King, McDonalds, Walgreen's and Chuck E. Cheese's . I also posted a job wanted ad on craigslist (sad I know) . I'm going to call back in a few days and check on my applications . I really hope someone gives me a job ! I've already gotten one reply on my craigslist post and i'm waiting on the person to say something back . I don't know where i'm going in life, but I know the only place i'm going is up ! Quote of the Day: "You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams" -Dr. Seuss.
Monday, January 21, 2013 5:23 p.m. CDT

For My Best Friend Tiffanie :)

 

A Video For My Fans

It's Just The Beginning ..

Well today marks the fourth day since I've been out of school for Thanksgiving holidays . I've had a lot running through my mind lately, especially him .. I want to know how it feels to find your other half . The one person who's always on your mind and always in your heart . The one person you'll always love and the one person you'll never be able to let go . Maybe i'm too young or maybe the time just isn't right for me . I wish it'd come soon though, i'm getting tired of waiting . I walk around somewhere whether it's school, the mall, or just outside and I see couples everywhere in love . Everybody has somebody and I have no one . It starts to suck after awhile, especially when the worst people end up with someone, it's just not fair at all . Good things always come to good people in the end though . Well anyways, my doctor called earlier this week and told me that my thyroid levels are back up AGAIN -_- . I can't stress to you all how tired I am of being sick all the time . I'll be so glad when I graduate because forcing myself to get out of the bed every morning is getting harder to do everyday . Just 26 more weeks and i'm out of high school :D . I'm ready to graduate but at the same time i'm not . I don't think i'm ready to go out in the real world on my own and transition from high school to college . Everything is happening so fast and I don't know how to slow it down or how to make things better . I just need some help . THIS is my dream: Rafael and he doesn't even know it yet ..
Saturday November 24, 2012 7:11 p.m. CDT